I flipping love you, David Cameron

I love you, David Cameron.

I love your pursed lips and your big

Shiny

Forehead.

I love that manic look you get

In your little beady eyes

Which when you combine with your

Pursed lips

Makes me think that this is a man

Who always gets what he wants.

You look like a supermarket area manager

Who’s just seen a really bad display

Of cabbages.

All white shift pristine pristine white shirt.


I love you, David Cameron.

I love the way you speak as if we’re all

A bit slow on the uptake and that

If you speak any quicker

We’d probably lost track because we’re a..

Not too bright.

We’ve voted you in again.

We’re not too bright.


I love you, David Cameron.

You’re so sneaky subtle sneaky sneaky

Twisting circumstance to fit your means

And you look ever so good in jeans

And you look after your friends as well.

I’m sure you’re going to look after them

Very well these next few years.


I flipping love you, David Cameron.

You seem to have such an instinctive understanding

Of all those unnecessary areas where funding should be cut

So that the average Daily Mail reader,

(Who probably doesn’t like you anyway,

Because to them you’re a bit of a lefty),

Can nod wisely over their breakfast and mutter,

There, that’s shown them lesbians.

And those performance arts types.

And those library patrons. There.

There.

Nobody of any worth has ever been born

In an NHS hospital.


I love you, David Cameron.

You master of rhetoric red line red line

Pumped up for a second term

Let’s get to work, let’s get Britain working,

Let’s all draw together as one nation and

Forge into the future

Because it’s all looking so bright, isn’t it,

Brighter even than one of your pristine shirts,

The brighter it looks the more it hurts,

Sneaking smugly sarcastic David Cameron

Bouncing up and down on the bed at Number Ten

Yelling, ‘I’ve done it again, I’ve done it again,

Oh my god, I’ve done it again!’


And when you finally lose your mojo,

We’ll always have BoJo.

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One thought on “I flipping love you, David Cameron

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